Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
