If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
