i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
