I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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