Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
