You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize