I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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