Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
