Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
