i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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