Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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