Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
