There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
