We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
