I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize