the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
