I wish my penis had an off switch
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i have herpe
just one?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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