Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
