im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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