the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
