Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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