her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
