we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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