i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
ttyl tear gas
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
