when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
