I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
