Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
