True but thats because hes a fetus.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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