life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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