And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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