yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
