When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
