You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They are going to name an STD after you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
