when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
