Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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