When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
