The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They are going to name an STD after you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
