return my video game
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize