GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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