i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
