im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
