I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
