Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
