Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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