I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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