He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
