so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize