She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
