dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
