dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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