Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
