there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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