i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
