there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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