Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
