Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think your dad took our porno
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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