if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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