I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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