I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Come on in and take your pants off
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