Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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