In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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