I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
