His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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