Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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