So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize