i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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