Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
