Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
