You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize