So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
